This fish and bacon extravaganza will pleasure your tastebuds and leave you satisfied like you’ve never been before.
I’ve used Barramundi as the theme ingredient here, it’s an ugly but delicious fish, with plenty of fat and a flesh texture that’s more flakey than a fake-tan blonde.
The name is stolen from the Australian Aboriginals, with it’s original meaning being something like “river animal that we eat before Tuesday”.
Prep/cook time: 2 glasses of wine.
200gm/1.5″ thick Barramundi steak – skin on
2 rashers (slices for you heathens) of bacon – rindless
Haloumi (squeeky cheese!)
Bunch of bok choy
Butter (grass-fed rules)
Mayonaisse (whole-egg full fat, bitches)
Random herbs and spices
Lovingly smell the skin of the Barramundi, it has a lightly fishy aroma that will make you want to just devour it as is.
Coat the fish in extra virgin olive oil, then throw a fistful of random herbs at it and rub it around.
Lots of room for experimentation here, like that first time you got drunk and maybe too close to your cousin, but basically this is where you can be The Colonol of your own secret herbs and spices and make it your own signature taste.
Deploy the bacon.
Now delicately lay that fish onto the bacon blanket like a girl you’re about to turn into a woman.
Roll it up in the blanket like a dead hooker that you need to dispose of.
Preheat the oven to 200°C/390°F (don’t forget to light the gas unless you have Sylvia Plath tendencies).
Line a baking tray with foil, put the Baconmundi in the middle and lay a fat knob of butter on top of it with a bit of lemon pepper or something sprinkled for good measure.
Check after a few minutes to make sure it hasn’t transmogrified into a new zombie pigfish and escaped the oven.
Cut the haloumi into about a 1cm/½” think slice and cut into bite-size bits.
Rip apart the bok choy like a dingo with a baby.
Dump a bucketload of butter into a pan on low/med heat and melt it.
Toss the haloumi bits in there like you’re shooting craps.
Cook for maybe 1-2 mins on one side.
Once the haloumi is half done, flip them over with gay abandon and chuck the bok choy in.
Feel free to plop some garlic or ginger in there, and if things start looking dry just deploy more butter.
Once the Baconmundi is cooked (15-20 mins) and has a lovely golden brown slightly crisp look to it, remove it from the foil.
Now, carefully take the foil and it should be laden with the pure Awesomeness of butter and pig and fish fat with herbs.
Add a healthy dollop of mayonnaise to it…
Now mix it like Fatboy Slim.
Who the hell cares?
It’s seriously awesome, almost zero carb, fully satisfying but not overfilling, which is exactly what you want because feed your lover this and you’ll need to not feel bloated so the two of you can enjoy some music that sounds like brown chicken brown cow.